Something Positive

The other day I read something that made me feel better. It was in the Fibromyalgia & Chronic Myofascial Pain Syndrome by Dr Starlanyl & Ms Copeland( the old version). She said that many Native American Tribes treat people with Fibromyalgia with great respect. They are considered people with a special link to the spirit world.

A couple of months ago, I joined some of the Fibro groups on Yahoo. One of them has preachers running them. This also made me feel less like I was being punished for following the wrong religion.

I had been ashamed to admit that I am a shaman, because I felt stupid for not being able to heal myself. That said, I am still learning how to be a shaman. I had thought this was punishment for putting off a calling to a task from the Otherworld. Perhaps it still is, but atleast I don't feel embarrassed anymore.

I know most of the people I care for are Christian, and will look down upon me for my beliefs. I'm sure the atheists that I know will too. In truth, I incorporate many different elements of most of the religions. I had a religious experience with God ( I prefer to call it Great Spirit) and Jesus, at a very young age. I was raised Christian and had an eternal struggle with being a Christian. I knew the truth and hated the church for all of the ugliness it promoted (hatefullness towards others). I saw flaws with every religion I looked at. I felt lost until a few years ago, when I discovered Shamanism. I began journeying to the Otherworld, and learned more truths. I became ill after putting off the task given to me, to pursue more pressing personal issues. It was the wrong thing to do. I was not able to accomplish what I needed to do. My illness might never let me be able to fulfill the task from the Otherworld either. That really breaks my heart. If you ever get a calling, do it, no matter how impossible it seems. You might not get a second chance.

Why you haven't heard from me

Sorry, that I've gone so long without posting here. In February, my health continued to get worse. My entire body became even more weak, and the pain felt like that deep down ache over your entire body when you have the flu. Imagine feeling like that all the time. That's how I felt. My GP told me he thought I had Fibromyalgia, and was sending me to a Rhuematologist. I had to wait 6 weeks, and in the meantime, my Granny passed away. In April I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I'm on 3 medications just for it plus one for muscle cramps. The first 12 hrs were so awful, bad vertigo. I was on the verge of calling my doctor, when finally they kicked in, and I felt great. I took a bath and began laughing, because it didn't hurt. I felt like I could do anything. In May, I threw my back out because I thought I could do some gardening. I'm just now getting that under control. I've been exercising everyday, even though most of the time I don't feel like it. I am becoming stronger, which is why my back is improving. The drugs aren't as great as they were 3 months ago, but still better than before. Although I haven't done any painting. Lyrica makes my hands and feet swell, and hurt. Infact, that's another reason I haven't posted. Typing this has been painful for me. Of course, this makes me wonder about my future as an artist. Will I be able to overcome this new challenge? I have a feeling that it may mean that I might have to retrain my hand to paint again. Will this cause my style to change? I guess only time will tell.

If you want to learn more about fibromyalgia, here's the best link I've found so far.
www.fibrocenter.com
Please read the entire about section, at the very least.